Tag Archives: happy

Today but also forever

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Well it’s here, GCSE results day. I’m feeling as nervous now as I was when the exams were happening but I’m also feeling brave and that’s what those who are awaiting the envelope should feel.

These results are the paper proof in the pudding for two years of work but what’s written on them isn’t the end. Regardless of the results there’s always opportunity and opportunity should be seized with both hands, an accepting mind and a brave heart. Crikey my results weren’t going to stop me being alive, living or making plans, I just had to think more about what I was going to do and at 16 I had no idea! I either wanted to be a vet or join the Police as a child. Well I never became a vet but I’ve had a fun and varied career.

Let’s go back to then …..

I’d spent the best part of the summer with my then boyfriend and his family in Estepona, together with said boyfriend and brother we’d gone to my grandparents in Bath for a few days and generally geared up to go back to 6th form at school. My results weren’t great and the Headmistress had offered 3 options – go down a year, stay for a term or leave. I took the middle option and returned to school and did retakes. Ok and then went to a crammer to retake the ones I’d inadvertently failed. I hated crammer and was pleased to leave. That summer I bumbled and flopped around before heading off to secretarial college where it clicked. I knew what I was doing.

I worked hard and played hard, I knuckled down and got my diploma before heading off into the commercial world where I stayed until I went on maternity leave.

Back to today ….

As I woke up with a pit in my stomach realising what day it was I also thought “I’m ok, I’m still here, I’m alive” and whilst the results weren’t what I actually needed at that time they were good enough for me. So for Loops and all of you getting your results “if they’re good enough for you then they’re good enough for me” and “que sera, sera”.

Good luck.

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Crying into my cappuccino

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This week was turning into one of “those” weeks (rolls eyes, tuts and tsks) and I was going to breeze through it getting bogged down, irritated and frustrated by the smallest crumb on my work surface, the tiniest piece of paper on table and THE most miniature towel on the floor. Ok so the size of the towel on the floor is immaterial, but everything – just everything – was getting to me.

Today I had plans to meet a friend and we texted away to firm up, agreeing to meet somewhere that was relatively easy for both of us. I surprised myself by being early so ordered my cappu and sat down in the corner, no sooner had I texted to say I’m hiding in the corner she arrived and we had the chat about the menu and then her cappu arrived. I wanted her opinion on something and as we didn’t have much time I quickly garbled out a tiny grump before discussing something unrelated.

You know when a friend looks at you and you feel it’s alright to cry into your cappuccino, well that happened. Out it all tumbled and she nodded with her head on one side at times (not sure which side but that doesn’t matter) and said all the right, she was sympathetic and gave some honest (not brutally so but honest none the less) advice and I felt uplifted.

A good chunk of the day has passed since I cried into my cappuccino and I feel better and more positive and do you know what? No I don’t suppose you do! Well I’ll tell you.

Next time I see my friend I will laugh into my latte.

Thank you my friend x

Making memories

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On Thursday I drove to the Valleys to drop my girls off at Big Welsh’s parents so I could nip to Cardiff and see Charch my poorly friend. She was all cwtched up in her bed and she looked peaceful. I was glad I was able to hurtle into Wales armed with bundles of love, cheery messages from school friends and her friends around the world and was able to chat one more time about her love of power ballads; sharing one last memory with her.

After spending precious time with her and her family I went to Whitchurch to see another schoolfriend and then zoomed back up the A470 and went to sleep. Whilst we were sleeping Charch died, very peacefully, at 4.06am on Friday morning, surrounded by her family.

Numb. That’s how we all feel. We knew it was coming, we knew it wouldn’t be long, but it’s wrong, so wrong that a bright, talented and amazing friend has died aged 45.

Over the last 7 months, since she came home, her friends have kept her spirits up with visits, cards, flowers, cakes, books, slippers, balms, socks, photo albums and CDs. Those friends have also been the most amazing and supportive network for her mum and family, it’s bittersweet that we’ve mothered a mother turning up with freezer food and cake.

In those months we’ve been making memories. We’ve cried in private and laughed with Charch, we’ve enjoyed her mum’s hospitality, we’ve hogged the fireplace sofas at New House Hotel, baggsied the sofa at The Maltsters, she’s been taken out for trips and adventures, she was surprised with a visit to a Carol Service at our old school. We’ve laughed, cried, reminisced over school days, tried to think back to our twenties, we’ve relived our thirties and celebrated into our forties as well as covering new ground, refinding old friends, sharing precious moments and above all we’ve been making precious memories.

All the while Charch has been getting more frail and weak until she slipped away gracefully and very peacefully on Friday 11 April at 4.06am aged 45.

Never once did she ask anyone for anything, at no point did she demand anything from anyone, what she did do was say “come and see me if you want to but don’t feel you have to”, she also taught us how to accept her situation.

So yes it’s a sad post but we’ve been also been memory making.

She’s brought a lot of people together again, we’ve had some brilliant weekends, I’ve spent more time in Wales than the preceding 24 years, some people who have fallen out have let bygones be bygones. Charch made this happen.

On the way home I went to Brecon to see my friend Becca in her shop and I treated myself to a bracelet. I couldn’t resist it. The wording is both apt and true.

Charch, may you rest in peace. You’ve been a great friend, you’ve been amazing and to quote a power ballad you’re the inspiration!

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